w16060
| Title | Tuba Gauge, The |
| Contributors |
Derek Ball (composer) |
| Composition date | 2005 |
| Duration (mins) | 2 |
| Category | instrumental solo |
| Instrumentation | Tu |
| Commissioned by | |
| Key signature | |
| First line | |
| First performed | |
| Notes | |
| Programme Note | Instructions for use : The Gauge may be applied to any tuba player who describes himself as "a bit rusty", who "hasn't played for a while", or who doesn't practise because of "pressing commitments". The Tester must observe the Subject closely during application of the Gauge. To apply the Gauge, place it on a music stand in front of the Subject and wait. Ignore any facial expressions or verbal productions during this period. After a shorter or longer delay the Subject will start to play. The moment at which the Subject's face becomes clouded with despair or disgust, possibly accompanied by dropping the instrument or tearing up the Gauge, is defined as the Tuba Decompensation Point. Take the number of the bar at which Tuba Decompensation occurs, square it, add 3, subtract the number you first thought of, and then apply simple differential Calculus to obtain the Tuba Tergiversation Amelioration Index. Now use the Index at every opportunity to humiliate the Subject as an example to others. |
This work is associated with the following collection items:
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